To Write or Not to Write

Thinking about to write is a scary concept.

Hitting a blank in your mind all while turmoil subconsciously brews about whether anyone will resonate with what you’re saying. Whether you’ve said it already and if people are getting tired of something that sounds familiar.

Whether it’s worth writing anything at all.

To someone looking at this from the outside, it may look like you’re sitting at a desk, pen in hand and staring into space.

Or even just you staring into space because you’re mentally projecting yourself in the above-mentioned scenario and you haven’t physically made it to the desk.

A day can go by, and you can have something written, or nothing at all.

Time flies, and it’s flying by at the same speed regardless of what you do.

The Ever Evolving About Me Page

It’s not very often that you revisit the About Me section of your website. Once you figure out what you’re about and who you want the world to see, you’re pretty much set. This just shouldn’t be the case. Your About Me says everything about you and your brand – it lets people know just how serious you are.  We as humans are constantly evolving and bettering ourselves, so why shouldn’t your About Me on your website?

A wordy About Me can be kind of a turn off for a website, which is why Adan and I chose to break it up into a few different sections. While we could easily expand, we wanted to keep it clean, simple and to the point. If you’ve got an interesting website name, briefly explain the meaning and why it’s important. It might not be something obvious, so you could lose followers because of this.

Briefly share the history of your brand. Something I love to read about with a personal brand or up-incoming website is their beginnings. How did they start out? Did something or someone inspire them? Those sweet first chapters can really grab a person’s interest in story that has yet to be told.

What you’re hoping to achieve will round out the page. This is the value or inspiration you will be giving your followers. When Two Goobs was born, our About Me was merely us describing ourselves and sharing the things we liked. Now, we’ve narrowed down our message and are seeking to make a positive impact on your life. We’re sharing out experiences and the lessons we’ve learned over time, and inspiring each other to be more creative in every aspect of our daily lives.

You are evolving as a person, so should your About Me page.

Significant Others Should be Teammates, Not Your Other Halves

This is cross posted on Medium.com.

Your significant other, better half, other half or whatever other term you use to describe your boyfriend or girlfriend is your teammate and partner. They shouldn’t complete you, they should compliment you. While they play a major role in your life, you should be able to consider yourself a complete person with or without them.

My partner is my teammate. We aren’t the sort of couple that keeps score on who’s doing more or the most “things” in the relationship because we’re always doing things to help the other person out. And sometimes it’s the little things, but it’s always the littlest things that mean the most, isn’t it?

When couples have joint accounts for everything, this is where the partner/teammate thing really kicks in. One person isn’t out racking up bills, bills, bills, while the other person is eating ketchup sandwiches for dinner. You’re conscious of your spending and daily habits because it not only affects you, it affects the one you love too.

Now, when I say teammate, I’m not saying you’re competing with each other to see who can out do the other person. It’s more of each person has the things they’re good at, or better at, and you’ve got your things too. So if you’re not good at balancing the checkbook, and your partner is, the wheel keeps spinning.

A healthy competition is perfect and the daily dose of jerk sauce is rather refreshing because in the end your “Ride or Die” will always back you up.

Why “Everything Has Been Done Before” Shouldn’t Stop You

Historically, innovators have come along and done something ‘new’ and have shocked the medium they’ve left their mark on, and while they have been immortalized and their work copied by people who want to replicate their success.

The occurrence of that replication has a half-life and tapers off over time.

Later on down the line, another innovator comes along creating some thing new and the cycle is renewed. The difference is that this second person has a wider body of work and precedents to draw from than the first.

You see, each innovator “unlocks” an unspoken bias and limitations held by people who work in that medium, and each person that comes along after benefits from this.

Many view the paths cleared by previous innovators as untouchable sacred ground, and are crippled by their mental burden of whatever they create not being able to measure up.

When I think about it, I’m sure if one had an opportunity to talk with innovators that have come and gone, that they would have nothing but encouraging words for the emerging creator.

That leaves me with the thought:

The Worst ‘No’ in life is the one you tell yourself.

 

[Cross-posted on Medium.com]

Why You Should Always Listen To Your Gut

This is a cross post on Medium.com

Whenever I need to make an important decision, I’m either 100% sure, and nothing is going to change my mind, or I’m somewhere in the middle. For those times, I look to friends and family for advice. I get a chance to see things through their eyes, which helps me see the bigger picture, and make a more thoughtful decision.

You should only hear their advice and follow your own path; never do what someone else wants you to. You’re the one who has to live with yourself and your decisions, so it seems only fitting that you be your own person.

I have a hard time with people who want to emulate others, or who strive to be exactly like someone. It’s a good idea to have role models, and seek inspiration in people for qualities you strive to have, but molding your life to be like someone else’s is just stupid. We are all beautifully strange in our own ways, filled with flaws and quirks that make us unique. We should embrace the differences and celebrate that we are diverse, which makes us all as a whole so beautiful.

Use others to motivate or inspire you to become the best person you can be. Don’t let someone else change you.

Use others to help you see the positive aspects of who you are, if you’re feeling self conscious or embarrassed.

Be confident and positive and change for the best.

How the lack of work at work led me to derealization.

This is a cross post on Medium.com.

I’ve always been the type of person who needs to be busy doing something at all times. I can’t sit still and I hate silence. I’m productive on days off, even if that consists of sitting on the couch, watching hours of television, I still have a laptop or a tablet in my lap, working on something else. It wasn’t until I hit a drought of work at my job, that I realized just how much my body hates not doing anything.

It started to slow down just before the new year hit. This is when I started to offer to help others. I could fill up my time assisting with various tasks; but when it slowed down for everyone else, I stopped asking. I sort of retreated into my office to try to pass the time alone.

This is the point when I noticed I was anxious at random parts of the day. Usually anxious while in the bathroom, or on a crowded subway car, I started to think about what changed in my life, or if it were something in the future I was worried about, or if my occasional claustrophobia was somehow becoming more prominent.

I had a few panic attacks in the past, but nothing like this. This was different. This seemed to be happening in the same places for short periods of time, and then it was over. Little moments of panic.

Derealization or depersonalization occurs when you persistently or repeatedly have the feeling that you’re observing yourself from outside your body or you have a sense that things around you aren’t real.

I realized this is what it was. The lack of work and social interaction forced me to spend too much time in my own thoughts, which can definitely trigger something like this. The amount of time I was bored during the day, or trying to find ways to be productive was starting to get to me.

Knowing what it was helped get me back on track. I read what some other people did to counter this — shaking up your routine and changing your surroundings helps. Being more active, exercising more, and socializing more were also key into making things feel real again.

I’ve still got that thrill seeker in me, just with a dash of fear.

This is a cross post on medium.com.

I’ve always seen myself as someone with a great sense for adventure and the unknown. When I was in my teens I’d be the first person in line for a roller coaster, with my arms wildly hanging outside the cart, or a superman attraction that would pull you up in the sky, then drop you unannounced, to soar through the air. I recall all of the dicey, risky situations I was in when I was in my teens, throwing caution to the wind, and wonder “why wasn’t I afraid?”

I definitely still have this thirst for adventure, but with age, comes a new perspective on what you’re willing or not willing to do for a thrill. I remember a few years back, going to some amusement park for a birthday. I hadn’t been to an amusement park in what felt like ages, so I was excited. I think over the course of 8 hours, I went on 4 rides. Waiting in line for two hours for a ride that would last less than two minutes was what the day consisted of; and it made me wonder if the lines were always this long, or if it was my patience that grew shorter? Couple that with whiny children and not being able to wear my glasses while I waited, I cast out amusement parks on the list of things I’d be willing to do for a thrill.

Now that I’m nearly pushing thirty, I take some greater factors into consideration before I say “yes” to a new situation:

  1. Could I die?
  2. How long do I have to wait?
  3. Is this worth the wait?
  4. Can I wear my glasses?
  5. Will there be wine there?
  6. If I say no, how loudly will I feel the sense of regret?

With age, my tastes have definitely changed. Still love watching a horror movie with all the lights off — (that will never change), but do I still check under beds and behind curtains before turning in for the night? Oh hell yes — because you never know!

I also love visiting new places — travelling really is the best education for someone with an adventure spirit. Flying and my level of anxiety have always been at odds with each other, and I imagine that will not change very much as I get older. Nevertheless, I’ll suck it up, and cling to my seat during takeoff, always keeping in mind, I’m heading for adventure.

The Sounds of Silence

This is a cross post on Medium.com.

Silence has never sat with me right. If horror movies have taught me anything, silence usually means there’s some ominous force looming around the corner. It keeps us on our toes and forces us to be prepared for the worst.

It’s also in the quiet moments where we rehearse fights we know will never take place, or create scenarios of what ifs. All the potentials exist in a blank sea of possibilities.

What is it about these voids that fill us with eerie suspense and make us contemplate life’s greatest mysteries?

Maybe it’s one of those existential things where your life could take you down different paths if you chose what’s behind door number one, or door number two.

What if you could see all the possible ways your life turned out? Like all of the things we imagine in the silence were actual flashes of paths we took in past lives, or somehow were parallel lives in parallel universes?

Just some food for thought for your next moment of silence.

Turn and Face the Strange: A Tribute

This is a cross post on Medium.com.

I remember falling in love with David Bowie in high school. A time when I was trying to figure who I was, what I liked, and where I wanted to see my life take me. I grew up in a small town where standing out, or being unique weren’t all that common. That’s what intrigued me first by Bowie.

His music has the power to be the solution for all moods. He told us to put on our red shoes and dance the blues, to freak out in moonage daydream, and to turn and face the strange. Words to live by.

An innovator, a forward thinking being who marched to the beat of his own drum. He threw a wrench in the wheels of the rock ‘n roll machine, and encouraged people to question everything. Inspired many to look inside themselves and pull out who they are and live that life.

He was different, like living your imagination as reality, and that was beautiful.

Sometimes We Sleep Apart, and That’s Okay

This is a cross post on Medium.com

I remember telling a coworker about my weekend and how on one night Adan fell asleep on the couch. She was taken back and immediately asked me if we were fighting, or trying to work something out. I looked at her puzzled because this isn’t a rare occurrence — sometimes he dozes off on the couch, and I don’t bother to wake him up. If he’s fallen asleep before making it to the bedroom, he really needs sleep. I kind of laughed to myself and thought about all the times we’ve fought and how we always sleep next to each other, and usually end up making up before morning; and then thought about the times we’ve slept apart, which has always been the result of one of us (usually Adan) being too tired to move.

When we fight, it’s usually a misunderstanding because all the relevant information hasn’t been revealed yet. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to see him or sleep apart; it definitely means we need time to cool off, but when we’re ready to make up, we want each other close.

When he falls asleep on the couch, it’s good for both of us. He usually gets a full night of undisturbed sleep because I tend to be a restless, light sleeper who sometimes wakes him up for snoring; and I get the big bed to myself to stretch out and do the nightly sleeping dance ritual I’ve perfected over the years.

 

It’s weird to me to think that people can have their own interests in a relationship, maybe even their own set of friends, but when it comes to sleeping apart for a night, it’s almost taboo. Like being in a healthy relationship requires you to be by their side day and night, and if you aren’t, there’s a cog in the wheel.

Sometimes we sleep apart, and that’s okay.

“Friend-Zoned”

This article is cross-posted on Medium.com.

The Friend-zone is a coping mechanism of people who are consistently unable to have sex with the people they want to play with.

Also read: ~ people who are consistently unable to get what they want, and lament the fact instead of moving on and improving.

It’s taken me a long time to approach this understanding of what the friend-zone is, and a pivotal moment in this happened quite by accident when I overheard one person’s view that the friend zone was not real.

What?! Not real? Hmm…

This sparked a renewed curiosity about the concept, mainly because it implied that it was not in the lexicon of some, but was for others. Why was that so? I figured the best way to get a better understanding of this was to delve into the machinations at the root of the term’s emergence, and paid very close attention to the context in which it was said for a very long time.

Frustrated Sigh ~ “I think I’m friend-zoned with XXXXX”

The hyphenated ‘-zoned’ denotes frustration with the current status of the speaker to the subject. Frustration with the concept of being friends with that person. This stuck out.

I’ve also been on the other side of such a conversation where the person was either not aware of romantic inclinations, or uninterested in that way. Now, here is where I’ll commonly hear something along the lines of “Why don’t you just cut me loose if you don’t like me like that?” This is where the misalignment of intent rears its head.

The other person doesn’t know you’re interested, or isn’t interested themselves, so why would they even think in those terms?

Only you can place yourself in the friend-zone. You never hear about two people mutually interested in each other that are in the friend-zone.

For some people, you become friends and you stay friends, and for others, becoming friends is a placeholder for something more. When the two meet, someone is bound to be friend-zoned.